9 Principles of Warfare
by Rojas Walrus
Summary: Love is a battlefeild, and to be victorious one must know the guidelines. Royai. Roy centric. T for kicks and giggles.
1. Objective

**Okay, so I know you might be going, "dosen't he already have a line of oneshots going, why is he making another?" I'm writing this because the other one, And So it Goes, is all in a solid universe. These are not. Really, I just found that It's a helluva lot of fun to write to predetermined themes, so I made this. These will probably be shorter.**

**These follow the American 9 principles of warfare**

Objective

"All men are timid on entering any fight. Whether it is the first or the last fight, all of us are timid. Cowards are those who let their timidity get the better of their manhood."  
**- General George S. Patton Jr**

Most people thought that the colonel had an issue with his paper work. Really, this was laughable. If he despised his paperwork, then why would he actively seek more? No, Colonel Mustang didn't hate paperwork at all. Paperwork meant getting noticed and getting noticed meant promotions.

So, one might ask, why did he have such a problem with getting it done? Well, the answer to that question was sitting in the desk in front of his. Her name was Riza Hawkeye. True, she was not beautiful, at least not by conventional means. Her eyes were not a beautiful light shade of green or blue, but instead a rather unpleasant shade of yellow brown. She didn't carry herself in a feminine way or wear a skirt, in its place opting for baggy pants and a sexless jacket. Where most women would spend their weekend in the market, she spent it at the range.

And he loved every bit of her.

Every time he saw her at the start of a new day he would take in her uniqueness and enjoy the stark contrast she offered to the women that he forced himself to go on dates with. He wanted her to be the one he took out to dinner, her to be the one he took home with him, for her to be the one he took into his bed…

But no, that wouldn't do. Not because of the State's frat laws. Really they were only in existence so that Generals could keep people's hands off their daughters, or granddaughters respectively. Clearly that wasn't a problem for Roy. Really, he just lacked the conviction. Riza had promised him that she would follow him, come hail or hellfire, but he still lacked the confidence that she wouldn't laugh at him and leave him when he confessed his feelings.

But why wasn't he confident? He was confident with all those other women, all the women that he didn't give a damn about, so why was it that when it came to the one woman who he _did_ give a damn about, the one that he knew, or should at least know, would never leave him?

_That's it,_ he thought to himself. This was it. He had one goal, one objective, and he would damn well follow through. Looking up, he turned to his Lieutenant. Just as he was about to say something, to act on his emotions, he remembered what he had to lose and chickened out once again, promising himself that he would still do it, but tomorrow.

Always tomorrow.

**As usual, review no matter what. If you didn't like it PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me so, but also tell me if you liked it. Reviews are crack, and I'm addicted. I just like to k now that people are reading my stories.**


	2. Simplicity

**So, I'm trying to write lighter fics with these, because I don't want to be depressing all the time. I don't know if I'm doing a very good job of it, but at least they're not angst.**

Simplicity

"Perpetual peace is a futile dream."  
**- General George S. Patton, Jr**

_I love her._ The though struck him in an almost physical way, leaving him somewhat dazed from its realization. He'd known that he liked her, enjoyed her company, ever since he first met her, but this? Yes, he supposed that he'd had these feelings encased within himself for quite some time, but he hadn't realized them until now.

Looking over at his Lieutenant, _his lieutenant, _he watched her, observing every subtle movement. The movement of her hands, efficiently signing and shuffling through paperwork. The movement of her eye's, short efficient jerks across the documents she handled. The movement of her mouth, as she chewed gently on her bottom lip, processing the information…

"Sir?" Roy snapped out of his dream like state and met Hawkeyes questioning eyes. "Why are you staring at me?" _Shit. Was I that obvious? _Nonetheless, Roy kept his up for a few more seconds, and Riza began to feel uncomfortable.

"Lieutenant, do you love me?" he asked, the words coming out casually. Riza blinked, caught off guard for a moment before regaining her composure.

"Yes sir."

Roy leaned back in his chair. "Likewise, Hawkeye." She gave a short nod and went back to her work.

It was simple, nothing extravagant, nothing elaborate. Just something to reassure himself, but that was all it needed to be. It wouldn't change anything, but it felt good to know.

**I don't know how much I like this one, but it is what it is. Thanks to all of you, this story got a lot more reviews than I expected and it sated my craving, but now I want moar! So when the pimps in the crib, Review it… like it's… hot? Wow I need to lay off the Snoop**


	3. Surprise

**I have a love hate relationship with German class. HATE: Out all of my classes German is by far the most boring. I don't understand half the shit coming out of my teachers mouth, and because of that I don't learn anything and because of that I'm probably going to fail the class, and because of that my grades will be something like: A, A, A, A, F, A. LOVE: I don't understand half the shit that comes out of my teachers mouth and because of that I write in that class. A lot. I know I probably shouldn't but it's either write random shit, or sleep. I'm such a horrible student.**

**Anyway, if this update pattern continues, then I'm really sorry, but I guess it's still more regular than most authors so whatever. I'll probably update on Saturday, because I have Boy Scout thing that I have to attend to (which I really really really don't want to go to, but "I Are Mr. Eagle Scout", so of course I have to set a good example for the littleuns) so I'll probably end up writing stuff for this on Friday.**

**Anyway, I know this probably isn't the best but whatever. It's what I wrote and it's what you get.**

Surprise

"A good plan executed today is better than a perfect plan executed at some indefinite point in the future."  
**- General S. George Patton Jr**

Carefully examining the battlefield n front of him, Mustang searched for the best course of action. He knew his objective, and he knew the consequence of failure. Now he just needed a plan.

The enemy: First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. Her crime: sitting on the chair at her desk, eyes concentrating on the forms in front of her, instead of sitting on his lap, eyes closed, focusing on the movement of her mouth against his. His mission: to force her into retribution for the offending actions.

The main obstacle, of course, was the sidearm that was currently housed in the holster that straddled her hips. And a slap in the face, but her hand wouldn't bullet leave holes, so he could ignore that for the time being. Right now he had a mission to focus on.

The best way to accomplish his objective, and to avoid as much bodily harm to his appendages as possible, was to get her to initiate the action. That way she couldn't be able to get mad at him for, and after all, who would blame him for responding? It didn't take him long to decide that his best bet would have to be a trap. She seemed to be immune to his Mustang charm, so instead of flaunting himself around her he would go for a more direct approach.

Searching through his desk for something that would prove adequate to the task, Roy quickly located a toy car that Elicia had left around the office. She had just been in a few hours ago so it wouldn't be entirely unlikely… Deciding that the car would be sufficient, he made sure that his lieutenant was hard at work so that she wouldn't notice him doing anything strange. Satisfied that this was the case, Roy got on his knees and carefully placed the toy, as one would place a landmine.

Standing back up, Roy admired his handy work. If all went as he envisioned it, then when Hawkeye came up to him to give him the paperwork she had been working on, she would slip on the toy car, and land directly on top of him, lips more than likely coming into contact with his. Classy. But it would get the job done, and would get Roy his reward.

Checking his position once again, he eagerly awaited Riza to give him his next workload. _Hmmm. This must be the first time I've actually _wanted_ Riza to give me more work._ Finally, after five long minutes, she walked up to his desk to give him the paperwork.

And casually kicked to toy car to the side.

Devastated, Roy looked to the car, then to the Lieutenant, then to the car again, and finally rested on the Lieutenant. Slightly puzzled, Riza looked at the toy, calculated the path of her fall, and realization dawned upon her.

Now wearing an amused expression on her face,Roy saw her turn to him and look into his eyes, as if reading his mind. Smiling weakly, Roy found himself at a loss of words, and fear for his limbs. Not able to maintain eye contact any longer, he looked to the floor and awaited his punishment.

He was almost too surprised to respond when he felt her lips press agianst his. Almost. When she pulled away he looked at her, slightly confused, but elated nonetheless. She just smiled at him and backed off, going to sit back at her at her desk. Without looking up from the her work she simply said, "You don't have to try as hard as you think, sir."

**Damn that was fluffy. I think Imma gonna go play CoD4 or watch Bourne to renew my masculinity. Anyway, thanks for supplying my with all the coke, but my supply has run dry. So give me MOAR! Please? I've gotten so many [reviews] already for this fic, but they've just increased my addiction… **

**As always, any criticism is appreciated even if it could be considered a "Flame". Just as long as you ain't trollin'.**


	4. Economy of Force

**Hi everybody (Hi doctor nick). I realize that it's been a while since I've updated, but my life has been busy. I STILL haven't written that story that is due on yesterday, which is of course because I'm far too lazy, but I have family over so were doing crazy things. Today I got dragged down to Forks, because Shelly wants to see the damn town. It's a mother fuckin' six hour drive from where I live and the town doesn't even have anything special in it. That's why I hate Twilight. Not because it tears apart vampires into some new thing that is total bullshit, whatever. She's the author, she can do that if she wants and I won't complain. It's when I get dragged to the towns, movies, book signings, when I get forced to read the damn books, it's when THAT'S ALL MY GIRLFRIEND WILL FUCKING TALK ABOUT when I get mad. not to unload on you guys or anything, but yeah. Sorry. **

**Anyway, on a brighter note, I have the greatest speech ever made posted on my profile, so if you've been enjoying the Patton quotes then hobble down to my profile page and check it out. It's epic.**

Economy of Force

May God have mercy upon my enemies, because I won't.  
**- General George S. Patton Jr**

Plopping down on the bed with his wife, the Mustang parents were far too exhausted undress in preparation for sleep. Parenting was as exhausting a profession as any with perfect children. Instead, Riza had given birth to three scheming little boys. Ike, Doug, and George were each their own little demon. Doug was always vying for his parent's attention. He had the type of personality that made Roy and Riza expect him to be a celebrity when he grew up, a sort of charisma about him, despite him being seven. His twin, Ike, was quite the opposite. Ike was more content to stay in the shadows and have his two brother's soak up the attention. He was the schemer. He could organize mischief like there was no tomorrow, and usually managed to save himself from the consequence. George, being two years younger than the both of them, was the one who usually took the fall for the three. But, then again, he was also the one who always executed the plots that Ike cooked up. Roy himself had once called him, much to Riza's amusement, "Ike' attack dog." Between the three of them, they managed to soak up all of the two parent's energy, and usually earned fifteen minutes in isolated "time out" each in the process.

This night had been especially stressful. Roy had taken his wife to the silver screen, and had thus phoned up the sitter. What they had come to was anything but a pretty sight. Walking into the door, the sitter had almost yelped in relief at the sight. That was never a good sign. The relief soon turned into a nervous kind of shyness, which was even worse. This sitter was relatively new, their old regular having moved away, and not having managed keeping one who had the patience to deal the three terrors, this one had been somewhat of a relief.

"How were the kids, Lee?" Riza asked the kid, not even seventeen.

"Well at first they were good, but…"

"What'd they do?" Roy demanded with some humor. Lee rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Well, Doug 'accidentally' locked George in the closet, and after about ten minute of trying to find the key, I finally managed to get the door open, but…" Lee couldn't meet the eyes of the adults. "But nowIcan'tfindGeorge!" Roy almost laughed. This wasn't the first time they had pulled this trick, and he remembered how scared He and Riza had been when George had seemingly disappeared. Riza smiled kindly at the boy.

"How long ago was this?" Riza asked the boy kindly.

"…an hour ago."

"Where are the others?"

"I sent them to bed. They were making it really hard to search for George, and it was their bedtime anyway." At this Roy inwardly grimaced. If they had been sent to bed, then mostly likely bed was exactly where they weren't. They would have a lot of 'fun' hunting down their kids tonight. Riza smiled apologetically at Lee and shuffled through her purse to find money.

"You've done nothing wrong. They've pulled this stunt before, so you have nothing to worry about. I'm very sorry they put you through this." Handing they boy twice the amount he would have normally gotten, the boy's features relaxed a lot. Saying his goodbyes, Roy thanked him for his troubles and he left, excited from the tip.

Getting down to work, the first place they looked was the bedroom. As predicted all the beds were unoccupied. Sighing expectedly in disappointment, Roy and Riza started to methodically search through the house. Every once in a while they would here the scampering pitter-patter of little feet as they approached what was apparently one of the children's hiding spots. However, after an hour of searching, they had no prisoners in their possession and they were getting irritated. They needed a new plan of attack.

Using a two-pronged assault, they managed to get Doug into their sights, and they called out for him.

"Douglas Arthur Mustang. If you don't get your ass over here _this second_, I will have no other choice but to hand you over to your mother." That worked. All of their kids had learned to fear their mother's wrath infinitely more than their father's. While Riza would never pull a gun on her children like she did her dog, there certainly was a difference between a Mommy-spanking and a Daddy-spanking.

Sending their newly acquired prisoner of war to bed, they set out for the remaining two. They figured that it would be bet to divide and conquer, so they split up to seek out George and Ike. Sometime during the night, Ike wandered up to Roy and hugged him goodnight, proclaiming that he was too tired to keep the hiding up. All that was left was George.

It wasn't until one o' clock that morning until Roy heard Riza's shouts, meaning that she found the last man standing. Boy was he in trouble. Walking over to the part of the house they were in, the laundry room, Roy took in the scene. Judging from the situation of the room, Roy realized that George had been hiding in the dryer, of all places. It shouldn't have surprised him that George had managed to hide in the one place where he would never have found him, but Roy was too tired to care.

George had a combination of smugness and fear on his face as Riza chewed him out, and Roy couldn't help but feel sorry for the kid. Riza's anger was always enough to make him nearly shit himself. Riza gave him a spank and sent him off to bed, before walking to their own room, finally falling asleep at the ungodly hour.

**I'm sorry for this, everyone. It's too late for me to revise it, so I know that it has mistakes that it really shouldn't so please point them out to me. I also apologize for the quality of it; this was half a rage fic, because the kids I babysit were being terrible, and half a childhood reminiscent fic. So please flame and tell me what you think of it.**


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